I've carried a sacred flame
For as long as I can remember
But to survive
I had to
Keep it hidden
Keep it burning
But keep it low.

Over years
I met women
Again and again
Who sparked the flame
But it scared them away,
And for a very long time, 
It scared me too.

I needed to
Become the fire
Become the flame
Become the temple
Claim my place
Become the woman
I was seeking
But I was terrified...

Finally one day,
I surrendered
To the fear
Feeling everything
Unlocking all the doors
That had kept me safe.
Making my sacrifice sacred
On the altar of  surrender.

Becoming the fire
Becoming the flame
Becoming the temple
Claiming my place
Becoming the woman
I had been seeking.
Claiming my name!

Alchemizing the pain
Into beauty, wisdom, truth
Never to be suppressed again.

Finally seeing
Feeling
Everything!

Becoming the fire
Becoming the flame
Becoming the temple
Claiming my place
Becoming the woman
I had been seeking.
Claiming my name!

I just realized
I am
At the edges
Of all my edges.

Terrified.
The feeling
Of discomfort:
Visceral!

But now I am seeing 
Feeling that
To grow
I need
To expand.

Beyond the known
Beyond my comfort
Beyond where I wanted to be and go. 

Yet 
When I 
Allow the breaking
Of what I have known

I breakthrough
Into my next zone 
The next phase
Of my evolution.

In this moment,
All is well.

In this moment,
I have everything I need.

In this moment,
I am held.
I am held by gravity.
I am held by life,

With an abundance of breath,
With an abundance of sunshine,
With an abundance of grounded earth,
With an abundance of water,
With a body that is working
Without my direction.

In this moment,
My heart is beating,
My lungs are expanding and contracting,
My blood is flowing through my veins,
Through the arteries,
Through a network of rivers in my body.

In this moment,
All my cells are working for my good.

In this moment,
I am at peace.

In this moment,
My mind is still.

In this moment,
My body can relax,
Can rest.

In this moment,
I can surrender into trusting life,
Into trusting creation.

In this moment,
Life is a gift,
And this body,
This heart,
This breath is sacred land,
Is holy land.

It was the stranger on Whatsapp 
Who was begging for assistance
Asking for someone to help her
Siphon fuel from her car
When the petrol stations ran out
So she could drive and give it to a friend in need.

It was the Zulu grandmother
Who I called after only 2 days 
Who was sitting in the dark and bitter cold, alone
With no electricity, no gas
Who softly and humbly answered "nothing ma'am" 
When I asked her if she had food to eat.

It was a friend with MS who answered
Another community member's call for food for their children
Giving what he had to spare
Even knowing he too might soon be without
And offered it freely.

It was a young African lady
Who I saw drive to a Pet food shop that was closed
And watching her drive away on the verge of crying
Hopeless and helpless.

It was the local small farmers and businesses
Who banded together 
To create pop-up markets
To feed their communities
Hundreds of people volunteering 
Their time and energy.

It was the lady who worked tirelessly
To try to secure food
For an elderly home of 200 
Who couldn't find bread
Or even simple things like milk and eggs 
But she continued.

It was local bakers I know
Who worked over 18 hours a day
To make bread for their community
Losing sleep to help others eat.

It was a 22-year-old skate boarder
Who offered to do errands for people
Volunteering to clean up
Be on guard duty
Do deliveries
To help in any way he could.

It was the friends who contacted me from abroad
To ask if I was doing ok, if I was safe
Who asked me "what can I do?"
And I said Pray for Peace, and if you can send money 
So I can feed a few more people
And they did!

It was the desperate mothers 
Looking for formula and nappies for their babies
And watching others share
And work tirelessly to find solutions.

It was the men and women who I saw
coming together every night, all night
To stand guard on their neighborhood streets
In almost zero degree weather
To protect their children and homes.
It was the hundreds of people 
I saw on social media
Cleaning up the streets
Helping each other
Choosing to act constructively
After such destruction.

It was the kindness and the sacrifices
It was the care and love
The generosity I have seen in the past days
In the face of danger, fear, uncertainty and even possible death

That broke me down to tears
It broke away my fears, my panic, my anger, my judgments
And rather than running away
To a "safer place"
Or hiding in my house 
Hoping I would be safe and have enough 
I was broken open 
And invited silently
Unknowingly
To join a Revolution of Love

To find ways to help others
And in so doing 
Forgetting all my worries.

Greetings from the mountains of South Africa.
I’m sending love from a late night evening.
Stargazing at a half moon with a river running and frogs making sounds.
Feet on the earth, breathing, appreciating, grateful for this moment.
Sinking in, 
Sinking into the breath,
Sinking into the body.
Sinking into this present moment 
and contemplating life and death and purpose.
Purpose for being here on this planet,
on this earth, 
at this moment in history. 
At some stage, 
We all ask ourselves, 
Why am I here? 
Why am I here? 
And what I hear is nature. 
The frogs, the river, the wind, my heartbeat. 
This body belongs to this earth. 
This body belongs to this earth. 
Someday it will return. 
For now, I walk above the earth. 
And someday I will dissolve into the earth. 
This body will return. 
All the atoms and elements will return to the soil.
So what I choose to do while I’m here,
Walking, breathing, dancing, singing,
What I do while I’m above the ground is a choice.
And when our choices are only to benefit ourselves,
it’s unnatural.
It’s not something that fully serves our being
or serves our higher purpose.
Each and every single one of us is unique, is special.
Each of us has our own sets of challenges and struggles.
And each of us has our own innate gifts, talents.
And when we try to be like others,
When we try to mimic or copy or walk and talk like others do,
We are not in alignment with our own naturalness.
And each and every single human being is unique.
We have a unique sound, 
we have a unique voice, 
Unique perspective, 
Unique experiences, 
Unique insights.
Do we give it space to grow?
Or do we try to be like others,
fitting in and not standing out, toeing the line?
Or do we dare to be different?
Do we dare to shine?
Do we dare to grow beyond what we have known,
what we have been told,
what we have been sold by society,
by the communities in which we were raised,
in the places that we grew, the places that we once grew? 
The beauty of this life is that we have feet and we can walk. 
We can move and change. 
Not like a tree who is rooted in one place
and who will live and die in that rooted place. 
We have feet to move, to step into the direction of more alignment, 
of more harmony, of more balance, of more resonance. 
I have heard it said and I’ve intuitively felt 
Before I even heard it said that humans are but walking trees.
These bodies are not ours to keep.
They are temporary.
But we can walk and we can move and we can step. 
We make choices in what we choose to believe 
and what we choose to do and what we choose to say and yes, there is conditioning and yes,
There is trauma and addictions and challenges we will face. 
But we do have a choice. 
When we slow down to take a breath, 
we give ourselves a little bit more space. 
We bring ourselves a little bit more into this present moment.
Now. Now. 
And now. 
In this moment, 
We can choose to move in any direction. 
Or if we can’t move our body for some reason,
in this moment, 
we can choose to put our mind on any different thought.
And while we think at times,
We do not have the power to choose our thoughts.
It’s only when we identify with our thoughts.
It’s only when we try to grasp and hold on to thoughts.
Many spiritual teachers say that thoughts 
are but passing clouds in the sky.
And we are not the clouds or the weather.
We are the vastness of the sky that holds it all.
So breathe. 
Bring your attention and your focus to your breath, to your body. 
And when inevitably, 
it gets called away by a thought or an impulse, 
know that you are training your mind
like you would train your body to be aligned with what you choose, 
what you desire, 
where you intend to place your foot, 
or your mind or your heart. 
It’s a choice. 
With our world filled with addictions and things that grab our attention, 
from notifications to apps to endless, 
endless scrolling and endless, 
endless screens, 
endless entertainment and sound and sights and smells that hijack our brains 
and our centers of dopamine 
and all kinds of foods and things that have been designed 
to grab our attention to where other people want them to be, 
to make them money or to make them powerful or to make them famous. 
The choice is yours, where you will put your attention. 
But you have to be aware of this body, this breath, 
this moment, and remind yourself that you are here for only a little while. 
Someday, this but your body will return to the earth. 
But until then, you get to live. 
You get to sing, you get to dance, you get to breathe. 
You get to do whatever you choose. 
And each choice has consequences. 
And each choice has lessons and growth points and challenges.
But do you commit to that journey? 
And when we can ask ourselves how we can use our gifts, 
how we can use our talents, 
how we can use our resources, 
from our time to our energy to our money, 
when we can remember that we came here with nothing and we will leave with nothing, 
Not even this body is ours to hold.
And we can ask ourselves, what do we do with what we have been given? 
What do we. 
What will we do? 
What will we choose to do with what we have been loaned?
Because it’s all temporary and all the fleeting gratification 
and pleasures that society and the media tries to sell us. 
They’re all but fleeting pleasures. 
True joy is found in places that only you know. 
For me, it might be different for you, 
but I’ve known the joy, the true, 
rooted joy of knowing the love of a dog, 
knowing the love of a child, 
knowing how it feels to love another human being, 
even regardless of the reciprocity or if they feel the same. 
I have known the joy of traveling to new lands 
and stepping into the unknown, 
the uncertain, 
taking brave steps to challenge what I thought I knew, 
to let go of what I thought I knew.

The joy of overcoming struggles,
struggles, challenges, hardships.
The joy of perseverance and moving in a direction,
of a dream, of a wish, and the joy of supporting someone else in theirs.
Some of the deepest joys have nothing to do with our own pleasure,
nothing to do with our own comfort,
nothing to do with our own gain.
I smile when I think of the joy,
the growth, 
the healing that I’ve seen in the lives of others,
where I have played perhaps a tiny, 
tiny role in their liberation and their growth. 
And them knowing that they are seen, understood, supported, 
that their life matters, and that they get to choose how they live their life. 
One moment and moment by moment, day by day.

Because each day we were stepping into the unknown
and learning to embrace each moment 
as it is without trying to change it or impose on it, 
brings a sense of trust, of curiosity, of adventure. 
I’ve heard it said that we need to stop looking for our purpose 
and choose to serve a purpose. 
That doesn’t mean that we have to work for an NGO 
or start a charity or give away all our money and live as a hermit, 
but in you, within you. 
Who you are is special, 
and you have specific skills and talents and gifts, 
experience that gives you a unique perspective, 
a unique way in which to reach people and to serve people, 
maybe even in the most, 
smallest and tiniest ways, 
and maybe only in the way that you live 
and the way that you choose to live 
and you choose to be with other people. 
I’ve known people at the gas station
or the petrol station or the grocery store to give me a smile 
or to be kind and change my entire day 
and remember them for sometimes years. 
We have lasting impacts on people, 
and none of us are perfect. 
We make mistakes. 
I make mistakes, 
or at least my brain says I do, 
or behaves in ways that maybe I’m not always proud of, 
or sometimes later I might regret or wish I could do over. 
And the past is the past. 
I can repair it if I can. 
Or I can forgive myself and forgive others 
who are also just doing what they knew how 
as best they could in that moment. 
So many are responding from pain and trauma and addiction. 
And the best they can may not seem the best they can. 
But can we let the past be the past? 
Know and acknowledge how it has impacted us or how our actions have impacted others? 
And know that we have a choice in this moment 
to step forward as we see fit. 
And when we carry resentment 
and we carry unforgiveness in our hearts, 
it’s understandable when there’s been a lot of pain 
and a lot of hurt. 
It’s not to sound cliche, 
but it is like carrying rocks around with us. 
Life feels heavy and dense and difficult. 
And so when I catch myself feeling frustrated or angry
or falling back into a mental loop or a story 
of how somebody treated me in a way I found to be disrespectful
or unkind or hurtful, can acknowledge it. 
And I can choose not to stay in that state or generate that state. 
Because sometimes I’ll retell a story 
and I’m just regenerating that feeling of anger 
and frustration and resentment. 
And that does not feel good. 
Because I could have spent that moment in joy and playfulness, 
in creativity, 
in creating the new. 
And it’s not a judgment on myself, 
because I’m experiencing what I’m experiencing. 
And I can also choose where I put my attention, 
where I put my energy, 
where I focus my words 
and my mind and my thoughts. 
I choose more and more, 
I desire more and more. 
And I’m choosing more and more 
to want 
to experience 
new things, 
new experiences, vision, 
and walk in the direction of those visions. 
To be playful and adventurous and creative. 
And I want to invite you to do the same. 
When you feel stuck and when you feel trapped
and when you feel hopeless or helpless, 
take a breath and listen to the sounds 
that you can hear around you. 
Nature sounds for me are so pleasant. 
And when I’m in the towns or the cities, 
it really bothers me hearing really loud cars 
or construction things that are really jarring to the nervous system. 
And I’m trying to also just notice I can hear. 
I’m grateful for my hearing, 
to be grateful, 
to just be alive and make choices based on there how I choose to move.
 It’s all a choice. 
And when we believe it’s not a choice, 
we’re stuck in a pattern of belief, of hopelessness and helplessness, 
pain or victimization. 
And only we can liberate ourselves. 
Only you can liberate yourself. 
Only I can liberate myself. 
Sure we can cheer each other on and celebrate each other but you don’t need to. 
You don’t need someone to come and save you and rescue you. 
You can stand and shine as a lighthouse for yourself and for others. 
I heard it said that just shine as and stand as a lighthouse. 
We don’t need to dive into the ocean to try and save and rescue people. 
In fact that’s not going to help anyone. 
It’s going to make it worse. 
We don’t need to People please. 
We don’t need to save or rescue. 
We can just stand and shine. 
Not with ego, not with pride, 
Not with any kind of hierarchy or judgment 
or feeling better than but just shining who we are, 
Being our unique selves, 
Not needing anyone else’s validation or praise or compliments, 
Just knowing in ourselves that we are living authentically authentic 
To ourselves as best we can. 
And as we continue to grow and learn 
We flower more and more in our authenticity, 
In our creativity, 
In our love.

I stand at the center of my life —
At the heart of the cross
I was born to carry,
Burdened
Until I found
The path of liberation.

No longer resisting,
I soften.
Becoming resonant
With what is.

I allow
I accept
I embrace

The pressure
Does not break me.
It awakens me.
I am a vessel
of transmutation —
Turning struggle
into powerful wisdom.

I do not flee from fear,
nor from the fire of alchemy.
I dance within it,
a flame
That neither burns nor hides.

I anchor this knowing
Into my body,
into my breath,
into my choices,
into my being.

I stand at the center
Within the tension of existence,
Embodying presence,
Welcoming truth,
Dancing in liberation.

This is the dance of life
The Tension of Transcendence.
And I am rooted
at the heart.

From birth we are primed
To be controlled

Conditioned by punishment
Conditioned by reward
Conditioned by consequences
Conditioned by manipulation

Raised to be obedient
by wounded
well-trained parents 
who were raised by wounded
ordentlich parents

going back into history 
as deep 
and as far 
as roots go. 

Taught to be compliant
by a sick society
a traumatized world
with human rules and regulations
attempting to keep people safe 
But really just keeping them small 

Societal expectations
Social pressure
Shaming
Name calling 
and blaming

Where injury
emotional repression
venomous lies 
have been perpetuated for eons
crushing life energy
into submission
so sensitive souls
innocent children
new nervous systems
conform
capitulate
and surrender autonomy

And innate authority
sovereignty
freedom...
Forgotten

In a desperate quest
To be liked
to be loved
to be accepted
but most especially
hidden behind that all
To be safe!!!

Trying so hard to meet 
The need for safety
Belonging
Unconsciously sacrificing 
surrendering flow 
for predictability
in the attempt to avoid 
pain and suffering

The dark void of aloneness
clinging
reaching 
for safety 
Wishing to avoid punishment
Yet losing pieces of self along the way

Until we remember.

Remember another way... 
A invitation to self reclamation 
By choice 
By acceptance
Forgiveness... 
the only path to freedom
When we see and feel with new eyes.

Remember the love
Remember the joy
Remember the care
Remember the choice
Remember the growth

And learn to build inner trust
Inner safety
Inner security
Inner stability
Inner belonging 
Full self acceptance 

Loving our unique magnificence
Exploring the spiritual warriors way
Cutting the tail off the past 
From the body of the now.

No longer allowing 
memory and mind to rule
Dethroning old rulers
To stand finally free
From the past 

In valour 
Sovereign power
Relinquishing the chains of blame
Of self and other 
Laying to rest 
pain and suffering and story 

Choosing now
and now, how to live
With autonomy
With gratitude
With choice
With grace.

Too much!
"You're just too much,"
She said.
Too loud!
"You're too loud,"
He said.
Too many!
"Too many questions,
Too many needs"
They said.

Too big!
"Your body, your legs, your hips,
Too big,"
I heard.
Over
And over
And over
And over again
Too loud!

"You laugh too loud
you talk too loud, you are too loud," they said!
Too smart!
"You're too smart for your own good," 
He said.
Too much!
"You think too much!
You feel too much!
You ask too much!
Many said.

And one day
One day
I believed
Eventually
I believed
The voices
Of my too-muchness 
Creeping into my head
Crying myself to sleep

And Guilt
I'd feel such guilt
Such shame
To speak 
To need
To eat
To succeed.
To be human!

So I tried
I tried so hard
be smaller,
quieter,
less.

To repress
the expansiveness
of my expression
To reject
my natural aliveliness
For fear of rejection
Fearing that
I Would not
I Could not
I did not
Belong!

I worried
That at my center 
At my core
I was bad
Was wrong
And that I did not matter
I feared
I would never 
And could never
Be accepted
Loved
For who I was
For who I am
Without expectation.

And so shame
Shame grew like a thorny weed
Everywhere!
Choking
That's which was
Beautiful
And Precious
And Special

And I began
I began 
To hide
I began
To hide my face.
My voice, 
My needs,
My curves,
My vulnerability,
My soul
And alongside like nightshade
of shame 
Sadness,
Grief
And anger

Began to grow.
Because somehow,
Because Some fucking how
Despite all attempts
It did not seem to matter

The voices followed me
Everywhere
No matter

My largeness or smallness
My loudness or my softness
Or too muchness
I was never quite
Enough

And no matter who I was
Or what I changed
Or who I tried to be
To meet their standards
And their expectations
It was never
Enough

But that
My friends
ends now 
I've had enough.
This is me
And that
dear world
Is enough
for me!

You are held
You are held by gravity
You are held by love
You are held by love
By love.

You are held in an ocean of breath
You are held by divinity
You are held always, always
You are held and safe
You are held always
You are held by divinity
You are held always
Always
You are held in this moment
In this breath
And beyond this body. 
You're held in an ocean
In an ocean of breath
In an ocean of life
In an ocean of love.
You are being breathed
You are being held
You are being loved
Cared for,
Supported in each moment
In each now. 

Can you feel it? 
Can you feel it
Allow the breath
Fully into your being.
Breathing through your skin
Breathing through your feet
Your hands
Your heart
Feel yourself softening,
Melting
Merging
With the ocean of breath
In which you are held
And now
And remember
You are safe.

You are held
You are loved
You are loved
You are loved
You are safe
You are held.

True Love
True Love
True Love 
Help me to see
Help me to see
Help me to remember 
That every
Every everyone 
Is inviting me to see
Everyone is inviting 
Inviting me to be free
Will I choose?
Will I choose?
To be empowered as I am?
Or will I beg for validation?
Will I beg for love?
Will I beg to be seen?

Perhaps perhaps 
Perhaps
Were all beggars on the street?
We just live it differently
Putting makeup and clothes to 
Hide our vulnerabilities
Vulnerability.
If only I could see
That everyone is 
Searching for
The same thing that I am.

Can we remind 
Each other?
Can we remind each other?
And that all we need is love
The only place 
We'll find it
Is in our hearts
Inside
Only, only
Only inside
Will do
And when we love another
When we love another 
It showing us how much
Love is inside
Love is inside
It's pouring out of me 
So much love 
So much love 
Is pouring out of me
If I remember
If I remember
There's enough to go around 
Can I start by feeding 
All the hungry children 
that live in me?
Nurturing
Nurturing 
Nourishing 
Begins
On the inside
On the inside 
On the inside
Then it can grow to infinity
There's no depths 
There's no heights
There no distances 
It can't reach.

Remembering 
That all we want 
That all we need 
Is love
Is love
Is love
Is love
All we need 
All we are
Is love

**

by Aloha Jacqueline 
7 August 2022

Buddah was a scientist.
He said, know yourself.
Sitting under a Bodhi tree
He observed himself
Teaching awareness
To overcome suffering.
Enlightening, enlightening, 
Enlightening all beings 
To be happy.

Jesus was an alchemist.
He said, love yourself. 
Hanging up a tree,
He transformed himself
Teaching forgiveness
To overcome suffering.

Enlightening,
Enlightening,
Enlightening
All beings to be happy.

Rise up
Rise up
Rise above the darkness
Rise up
Rise up
Rise above your fear
Rise up
Rise up
Rise up to the light
To the light
Rise up
And claim your joy.

Even a butterfly
Was once a caterpillar.
Transforming
Transforming
Transcending itself
Becoming
Becoming
Becoming its true nature
We all have the power
We all have the power
To do the same
You have the power
To do the same.

***

by Aloha Jacqueline
Stream on all music streaming platforms or Insight Timer.

I've turned the tables 

Reoriented my perspective

Switched my inner inquiry.

From:

"Do they desire me?"

"Will they choose me?"

"Do they want to connect with me?"

To:

"Do I feel safe with them?"

"Do they communicate clearly?"

"Do they respect others (and themselves)?"

Now:

I have a new orientation 

New Rules of Engagement

New found calm and inner peace.

You helped me
Find my joy again
By opening your heart 
Taking my hand 
And in a way... that only you could have
You led me back
Into the river of love
That I was afraid
To enter again

And instead of finding grief
And sadness and pain
That I thought... might still be there
Reminding me of the brokenness
Of the past
A miracle happened...
I found true love...
Finding myself at last


Written 17 February 2018

Sometimes,
I feel full.
Not stomach full,
But head full.
And with a head full,
My mind feels
Confused,
Conflicted,
Complicated
Something in me needing clarity.
Over the years, 
I discovered,
That
Writing poetry,
Helps me!
The structure,
The rhythm,
The pace
The process
Of words pouring out of me,
Gets things out of my head,
Including getting
ME,
out of my head!
The energy flowing
Through my hands 
and fingers,
Whether I'm typing, 
or writing,
Moving
Expressing
Makes space
Inside of me.
To observe,
More clearly,
What wants to be seen.
What wants to be read.
To open me up,
A little bit more.
As the words,
Fall out of me.
They bring a smile to my face,
Because their wisdom,
Was even unknown to me.

Until they were seen,
By my own eyes.
Felt my own hands.
This magical,
Mystical experience,
That I wish everyone could experience.

I find myself,
Relieved,
Happier,
Healthier,
In some way,
For taking a moment,
To slow down,
To breathe,
To visit my inner world,
Giving attention
And a little more trust
To myself.

And EVERY time I do...
I receive.
I receive!

Shedding, shedding, shedding
No more hiding
No more staying small
Or quiet
Time to expose

Exactly
Who I am
Exactly
How I feel
Exactly what I desire
To share and shine the truth,
Regardless of our cost.
It's time

Shedding, shedding, shedding
I expand
Connected to my "YES!"
Even when "yes" surfaces
In the moment
As a "no"
Honoring the truth
Standing in the truth
No matter what

I surrender to
A deeper wisdom
A deeper knowing
Within my body
This body

Which knows beyond the mind
Which even at times seems
To know beyond the now
Sensing, feeling, being
I smile
Thank you

I keep surrendering
To a knowing
Greater than the mind
Could ever know
Until my mind
Becomes a witness
Of the greatness
The beauty
The wisdom
Streaming through me
Through this body
This instrument

Experiencing
Witnessing
Expressing
Playing
Being
With life as it moves in me
Through me

Dancing in wonder
Singing in awe
Feeling
Here
Now
How good it feels
How good it is
To be
To be free
To be me!

What a tragedy
To not look within
To hide your inner song

When you could
Rise mightily
And ignite 
Your soul on fire

Expressing
Your gifts
Passion
And joy
Freely

Long silver hair
Floating on the wind
Horse and human
Riding as one

Warrior of Spirit
Wisdom Keeper
Medicine Holder

Knowing the greatest secret
The deepest truth about life
That there is nothing to fear

How could there there be anything to fear?
When we've already died
So many times before?

So together 
They keep riding
Whispering for us all
To remember

I see you 
Master Healer
With your gifts
Of inner sensing
Inner knowing
Precision
Clarity
For what exactly
Your body needs
Exactly 
What life in you needs

To come to ease
To come to balance
To restore vital energy
To accept your humanity
Divinity
All wrapped up in
Magnificent you

I know you 
Master Healer
Have the Power
And the Wisdom
If you choose 
To be the medicine
Of alchemical love
For yourself

And with your will
With your warmth
With your vision
With your desire
With your gifts
To bring healing
To fully restore
Your love and joy of life
And continue shining

Sharing
Dancing
Enjoying 
The pleasure
The simple 
Slow
Sweetness
Of life