Enough (A Journey Of Self-Acceptance)

Self Worth Poetry

You can listen to the audio experience of this poem on Insight Timer.

Too much!
"You're just too much,"
She said.
Too loud!
"You're too loud,"
He said.
Too many!
"Too many questions,
Too many needs"
They said.

Too big!
"Your body, your legs, your hips,
Too big,"
I heard.
Over
And over
And over
And over again
Too loud!

"You laugh too loud
you talk too loud, you are too loud," they said!
Too smart!
"You're too smart for your own good," 
He said.
Too much!
"You think too much!
You feel too much!
You ask too much!
Many said.

And one day
One day
I believed
Eventually
I believed
The voices
Of my too-muchness 
Creeping into my head
Crying myself to sleep

And Guilt
I'd feel such guilt
Such shame
To speak 
To need
To eat
To succeed.
To be human!

So I tried
I tried so hard
be smaller,
quieter,
less.

To repress
the expansiveness
of my expression
To reject
my natural aliveliness
For fear of rejection
Fearing that
I Would not
I Could not
I did not
Belong!

I worried
That at my center 
At my core
I was bad
Was wrong
And that I did not matter
I feared
I would never 
And could never
Be accepted
Loved
For who I was
For who I am
Without expectation.

And so shame
Shame grew like a thorny weed
Everywhere!
Choking
That's which was
Beautiful
And Precious
And Special

And I began
I began 
To hide
I began
To hide my face.
My voice, 
My needs,
My curves,
My vulnerability,
My soul
And alongside like nightshade
of shame 
Sadness,
Grief
And anger

Began to grow.
Because somehow,
Because Some fucking how
Despite all attempts
It did not seem to matter

The voices followed me
Everywhere
No matter

My largeness or smallness
My loudness or my softness
Or too muchness
I was never quite
Enough

And no matter who I was
Or what I changed
Or who I tried to be
To meet their standards
And their expectations
It was never
Enough

But that
My friends
ends now 
I've had enough.
This is me
And that
dear world
Is enough
for me!

Written 17 October 2017

PS:

My intention and wish in sharing this poem is for healing. My own and others who choose to be touched by these words, and find healing within themselves.

Forgive ourselves and each other… returning to the love that we are.

Trusting that within each of us, we have the power to let go of the past, heal our childhood, life, ancestral (and other life) trauma’s by choosing to let go of all victim identities and be free.

Empowering ourselves with new choices, self loving and self caring boundaries, and living from the place of the Sovereign Self.

Thank you. I love you.

Aloha.

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